Per Parody Perduramus! The San Luis Obispo Times Is Inaugurated!
For the last few hours, we have always been dedicated giving you the very best Local and National News and Opinion. Most articles will not be funny, or even relevant, but they will be something to read on your smartphone while dumping.
- Study: 37% of Americans Smell Their Hand After Scratching Their “Itchy Butt-Crack” At Night
- Aliens Land: Demand To Speak To Ron Paul About Austrian Economics
- Santa; 8.5 Reindeer Recovered After “Unfortunate Friendly Fire Incident”
- Kamala Harris “Ponders The Meaning Of Time” Too Long; Swept Into Wormhole
- Trump: “My Ear Is A Loser For Looking Like It Wasn’t Shot.”
- Terror List Updated; Now Goes From “Unhinged” To “Besties”
- Nation Disgusted, Enthralled, As DWI Avoiding “Blow Hamsters” Start Appearing On Craigslist, The Dark Web
- In Alarming Escalation; Shirtless Putin Switches From Horse To Bear
- Trump Snaps Small Squirrel’s Neck Over Teleprompter “Fiasco” and Surges In Polls
- Biden Told He: “Can’t Attack Iran Until He Finishes ALL Of His Vegetables”
- As Economy Worsens; “Shrinkflation” Now Affecting Your Dick
- Doctor: Gavin Newsom’s Metamorphosis Into A Vampire Now 80% Complete.
- Woman Seen With Flowers In Her Hair Emerges from Bush In San Francisco After Fentanyl Hurried Dump
- Government Panel Investigating Epstein Client List Agrees: “Eaten By a Dog”
- Shocking New Study Indicates: “We’re All Going To Die!!”
- Nation Shocked That Russell Brand May Have Raped A Woman; “We All Thought He Was Into Dudes.”
- Trader Joe’s Switching To Tissue Paper Grocery Bags
- Shocking New Report Confirms: Toyota Priuses Can Drive Over 45 MPH.
- “It Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This.” – A Cow
- Southwest Becomes The First Airline To Mandate Ball Gags On All Domestic Flights
- Geese, Ducks “Worried” After New California Foie Gras Law Legislation Passed.
- Zimbabwe “Kind of Weirded Out” Over New Gay Flag Going Around.
- Cambria Welcomes All Outsiders!
- Morro Bay Water Treatment Plant Goes Online
- Canada Starts New Tourism Campaign: “Come To Canada and Kill Yourself.”
- Unsatisfied With Billions In Funding and Military Aid – Zelensky Now Demands Your Girlfriend Heather.
- Turtles Outraged Over Mitch McConnell Comparisons