From the San Luis Obispo Times Economy Desk –

Consumers may be in for a surprise this winter, as food and fuel prices have reached record levels.

“I’m really feeling the pinch economically.” Said consumer Aisha Hathway in Stockton. “It just feels like these prices are out of control.”

As inflation gashes into our pocketbooks, and consumers tighten their belts there is a new word that many of us are adding to our daily lexicon: “Shrinkflation”.

Many producers of basic food stuffs and other goods ranging from laundry detergent to pet food have turned to a frowned upon, but completely legal practice: Reducing product sizes, sometimes deceptively in order to make them appear the same size, while keeping the price the same.

This way, consumers feel like they are paying the same price, while they receive less product.

“The practice of reducing product sizes, while keeping costs the same is commonly called Shrinkflation”, said well known economist Rand Keynesian.

“In order for the consumer to feel like they are still getting the same great value product they were buying before, but not charge more, which they would really notice in their pocketbook, we have to slightly and gradually reduce the size of many of our products.” Said General Mills. Sure, it’s a bit deceptive, but what are you guys really going to do about it?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard of “the boiling frog” metaphor.” If you haven’t, it goes something like this: If you take a frog, and you stick said frog in a big pot of room temperature water, and you turn the heat up slowly, that little guy won’t really notice if the water temperature gradually increases, until it eventually boils to death and dies.” “It really works, you should try it.” added Keynesian “Well, it’s kind of like that frog metaphor: only for you consumers when you go to Costco and everywhere else.”

What is worse is, recently “Shrinkflation” has not just been experienced on the shelves of your local Walmart, but now appears to be affecting male genitalia nation-wide, and even in Europe.

“I’ve seen at least a 20% reduction in the size of my boners.” Said Santa Barbara resident Adam King. “I was alright with a box of Cheerios being like half the size it used to be for the same price, Tide detergent changing the shape and configuration of their containers to make it look the same, but actually contain less, a box of Wheat Thins being the same size from the front to appear the same size, but thinner, even raisin boxes looking the same but filled less, but now that my dick is also noticeably smaller, I feel like I’m starting to have a problem with this.”

Shrinklfations’ reach appears to have no bounds; affecting all males equally across racial, political, and socioeconomic demographic categories.

Gale Dearshwood, a Livonia Michigan resident shared a similar sentiment: “So, I’m getting ready to pleasure my wife last Thursday for the first time in a long time after a very romantic trip to Red Lobster for the seafood extravaganza promotion. You wouldn’t believe my horror, when, I unzip my pants, look down and I’m like.. “Hey, what is going on here? Have I lost like 20% of the length and girth of my dong? “Big Boy” just doesn’t feel like such a big boy anymore. It definitely didn’t look like this just a short year ago.”

Unilever representatives have yet to comment on how this will affect their overpriced deodorants, but most males of reproductive age “could care less about that crap right now, we’ve got some much more serious issues going on here.”