Dateline Central Santa Barbara County Solvang, CA – In what many are calling the”Dirties Danish infiltration of recent times” a very well funded and assimilated Danish sleeper cell has been exposed bringing in weapons from the Ukraine, but also slowly growing Danish “soft power and influence”, and normalizing all things “being Danish”. This group has…

From a warm, clear, inland bay, likely on the coast of western Florida, or maybe Cuba: “Hi, Manatee here.” You may have heard of my species – I am a Manatee, also known as a Sea Cow. Of course you have heard of me. Everybody loves a Manatee.” “Anyway, could you guys stop running over…

From the San Luis Obispo Times Field office: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada “Nobody saw this one coming. I mean, generally you can make YouTube videos and your wolves don’t successfully eat your face off, then eat your entire general interstitial tract out, and it’s all live-streamed.. “said a lawyer representing the bereaved family for Reese…

Hey everybody- James here, the guy who did all the critically acclaimed commercials you have seen on TV either during Jeopardy, or if you’re in a lower socio-economic demographic: Wheel of Fortune. You know the commercials. I do the amazing theatrical productions ones your un-evolved Simian brains can’t look away from. You know the commercials-…

-Brussels, “Belgium” In very classic passive-aggressive European manner today, but slightly less inhibited than the United States- after doing several lines of “Primo Columbian Cocaine” off the lid of a toilet in the E.U. Parliament (Where more than 90% of toilets have cocaine on them according to studies for real, check it out). The E.U.…

H.R. department- American Steel and Metal Fabrication Company, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania- “You get a lot of slack for being the Human Resources director around here, I’m just sayin’, I’m just saying.’” said HR department head Anthony Peligrino.” “American Steel and Metal Fabrication Company is always on the look out for the future of the workforce and…

You guys act as if you’ve never seen people dressed in robes secretly worshiping a giant owl statue before..? What a bunch of cry-baby grown children you guys are LOL!” “Losers!” “What’s next, you want me to wipe your bottom and explain how the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist? Get over yourself.” “Yeah, we’re wearing robes…

Former and again future president Donald J. Trump today said that U.S. forces were mobilizing to take over a sizeable chunk of Southern Greenland. The World has been shocked by this aggressive, and expansionist move not seen in American History since late manifest destiny. “The military is just swarming around here!” Said Bangor, Maine resident…

From what humans are now calling “Contact Day”. Aliens landed today outside of most major photogenic cities around the world, and landmarks, in what many are calling “Contact Day”. “I knew this shit was coming” said Dale Hermslinger from Ann Arbor, Michigan, I mean, I built the entire bunker, I really love Ron Paul, and…