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Geese, Ducks “Worried” After New California Foie Gras Law Legislation Passed.
From a Calm, Reed-Surrounded Pond Near Sacramento, California – In what many Ducks, Geese and other waterfowl are calling “a win” after the Foie Gras legislation passed by California governor Gavin Newsom regarding the force-feeding of their species’ to “make their livers taste really good” passed, many are saying “it didn’t go far enough” and…
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Zimbabwe “Kind of Weirded Out” Over New Gay Flag Going Around.
Harare, Zimbabwe – The small land-locked nation of Zimbabwe is reportedly “kind of weirded out” over the new LGBTQIA2-S Flag. “It kind of does look like they ripped off our flag and changed it a little bit” said LuckJoy Nwaba. “Don’t get us wrong” said the small southern-African nation “we know a lot of gay…
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Cambria Welcomes All Outsiders!
Cambria – CA We are so glad you decided to come and visit our Coastal Gem we lovingly call Cambria! It’s so hard to find a nice, clean small town atmosphere anymore in California that isn’t infested with homeless people and outsiders, so it’s great that you decided to visit! Cambria, as I’m sure you’re…
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Morro Bay Water Treatment Plant Goes Online
Morro Bay – California A One Hundred and Sixty Million Dollar Water treatment plant went online in Morro Bay, California today. In what many are calling “The Most Amazing Water Treatment Plant Ever Built”, There could be a few underlying issues, one in particular which is seriously upsetting local residents. The $160 Million dollar Morro…
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Canada Starts New Tourism Campaign: “Come To Canada and Kill Yourself.”
Ottawa- Canada In an attempt to promote tourism to the frozen wasteland where people smother french-fries in gravy, recently Canada legalized euthanasia, in tandem with this announcement, Canada’s government has stated a new advertisement campaign: “Come To Canada and Kill Yourself.” “We hope this new campaign gives us Canucks the shot in the arm- a…
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Unsatisfied With Billions In Funding and Military Aid – Zelensky Now Demands Your Girlfriend Heather.
Kiev – Ukraine In what many are calling a fair deal, yesterday Ukrainian president Vladimir Zelensky requested to get the number to your girlfriend Heather. “I’ll be honest, I think we had a thing.” Said a smitten tight olive-green shirt clad Zelensky referring to that time he and Heather met when you guys were volunteering…
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Turtles Outraged Over Mitch McConnell Comparisons
From a Pond: Earlier this week, the League Of Terrapin Voters condemned the nation-wide smear campaign that they somehow look like the Senator from Kentucky whose neck happens to be “Terrapin like” but clearly isn’t of Turtle genetics. “It would take an out of touch monkey-like biped to equate our species to McConnell.” Said Terry…