Dateline Central Santa Barbara County
Solvang, CA –
In what many are calling the”Dirties Danish infiltration of recent times” a very well funded and assimilated Danish sleeper cell has been exposed bringing in weapons from the Ukraine, but also slowly growing Danish “soft power and influence”, and normalizing all things “being Danish”.
This group has also been attempting to subvert the California elections and make sure Gavin Newsom does not win again, because he’s anti-Dane.
Denmark’s plans are very sinister and in fact have been shown as an attempt to turn the sleepy “tourist town” into a into a “Danish proxy village and territory” in this exclusive, which has so far only been reported by the San Luis Obispo Times because all the other newspapers are too pussy.
Deep inside the sleepy town of Solvang where everything looks weird and “Very Danish”-
“What a strange thing to do, I mean, make your entire town look like Denmark? It’s in California, but looks like Denmark, I mean, why? What are we doing here? What is the point?”
“I mean, when you’re in the middle of California, Central Santa Barbara County to be more specific, and people are acting like this normal that everything looks like Denmark?” “People were just kind of going along with this like nothing weird is happening? Are these people all retarded?”
The truth is they are not retarded, they are infiltrated.
“Imagine an entire city in California, with Danish street names, Danish architecture, those really tasty Danish pastries, windmill paper stops, snow globes and various other cute mementos, but now imagine you aren’t in the socialist hell hole that is actually modern day Denmark, but instead are in Santa Barbara County.”
“That’s what we’re dealing with here, total Danish socialist infiltration.”
“It’s like a real Potemkin Danish Village is what we’re dealing with here.” said [anonymous] related intelligence agent.
“People were literally acting like this was normal before we started tearing down the 5-G towers that were sending subliminal messages in Danish to the population.”
“I was working in a pastry shop making pastries 5 days a week, but after they tore down the 5-G tower I realized I actually speak Spanish, and I don’t even know how to make pastries.”
The San Luis Obispo Times spared no expense to send our undercover (American) operatives to Solvang to ask basic America stuff like: “Where are the hamburgers? Is there Taco Bell around here? Basic Stuff.
“Nope, they just looked at us like we were speaking some foreign language. Sure, most of them maybe spoke Spanish, but it could be Denmarkish, or whatever they speak there.”
Things got even worse-
From close to the place where they used to have the remote controlled boats (that were so awesome), near the place that smelled like fresh out-of-the-oven sweet Danish pastries:
“Hans” also known as “Danish Agent #2″ was busy infiltrating America today. Allegedly baking pastries for tourists.” Yeah, whatever.
After some truth serum administered in the parking garage of the nearby Chumash Casino for “not in the US legal reasons, Chumash land”, “Danish Agent #2” admitted that there was a “60 year plan” and covert Danish takeover of Northern Santa Barbara County, in concert with the Chumash tribe, which included Eugenics, pastries, and remote controlled boats, and underground Danish dog fighting.
“We tell them all to lose some weight after their fat asses eat all our pastries and go to the Smorgasboard restaurant buffet and stuff after hitting up the Chumash Casino.
Guess what? It’s called “vertical integration” in English. We run Novo-Nordisk. Yeah, we make Wegovy. Not you dumbshit Americans. Ever heard of Semaglutide? Yeah, the side effects may, or may not be be horrific, causing massive population loss amongst non-Danes, but that will be in about 20 years when most of Central California is speaking Danish, so you have nothing to worry about with your fat ass, time to slim down.” said a Danish person. “If I were you, I might spend some time to learn that phrase in Danish!”
“Yeah, we weren’t too happy about you guys attempting to take over Greenland and re-name it Red-White and Blueland, or De-funding the Ukraine war after we sent most of our jets and surplus military equipment there only to have to defend Greenland from your aggression now, but jokes on you- we have successfully infiltrated the heart of your most populace state, and nobody saw it coming. You guys to this day think it’s just a tourist attraction. “Wow so dumb” said another guy translated from Danish.
“I’m hearing a lot of Danish on the local police scanner, but maybe that’s because it’s a “Danish Village? Hard to tell, but it doesn’t just sound like only the street names anymore.”
“Nope, it’s because of Danish special ops digging those large underground tunnels using TBMs (Tunnel boring machines) to get closer to Vandenberg Space Force Base to undermine it. Come to think of it- Vandenberg sounds kind of Danish doesn’t it? Yeah, we run it too fat-asses” said some Dane.
“It goes deeper literally and figuratively than you fat Americans can understand at this point in time, those are probably two words you don’t understand, but have fun with Greenland!”
You want Greenland? Fine, but the jokes on you, it’s a frozen Ice-Cap of a territory that we spend multiple millions on a year paying for the Inuits welfare, shipping them food and it is covered in ice-caps which make it impossible to mine, and hard to rule over, but Santa Barbara County is pretty nice. It was just 72 degrees and it’s February.” Have fun in Greenland suckers!! We took it over without one shot.”
“Have fun eating your Danish Pastry shaped like a windmill.. nothing going on here!”
“Yeah, the remote controlled boats you remember loving so much in that pond;
A now de classified Danish military “cultural program” paying Americans to learn to pilot remote-controlled boats and select the ones who were the best at it and teach them Danish has been released.
All of it for sick Denmark. Yeah, Danes did that to us, and made us pay to train ourselves to lose Greenland and love them. Sick, sick, sick.”