Hey everybody- James here, the guy who did all the critically acclaimed commercials you have seen on TV either during Jeopardy, or if you’re in a lower socio-economic demographic: Wheel of Fortune.

You know the commercials. I do the amazing theatrical productions ones your un-evolved Simian brains can’t look away from. You know the commercials- The ones where the chronically obese people dance around.

Perhaps you may have heard of the most recently critically acclaimed Jardiance commercial I just wrote and went on the air?, or have you been hiding under a rock recently? Yeah, that was me. I rhymed all that shit.

Believe it or not, it is harder than you would think to get a bunch of chronically ill obese people to dance in a commercial, not to mention how many takes it took.

We had a trash can full of Asthma inhailers and diabetes needles after that one.

The worst part is, when they start to perspire a lot and are wheezing and singing about A1-C they start to get completely out of pitch.. I mean, an enormous fat person with Diabetes is hard enough to get to sing regularly, but after throwing a beach-ball around for a bit, it’s over. Do you think you could make that happen? I know my job is easy and all.

It’s not as easy as you think it is doucheball. You do think you’re better than me for what you do, right? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway there’s a reason I have been called the top jingle-writer 14 years in a row at the annual Pharmaceutical Industry Marketing Awards.

I really sincerely hope that your goldfish brain has a good laugh when me and my hot wife drive by in our Tesla, yeah she has a boob job.. Sucks to be you!

Hey, has your tiny gnat brain ever even attempt to rhyme say a popular Eagles song, Willie Nelson, or a Bon Jovi Song with a medical condition such as “Willis–Ekbom disease?

Yeah, good luck with that one. Don’t think your little brain could handle that task.

It’s not as simple as it looks after we finally get all the fatties away from the catering are dancing around wheezing and passing a beach-ball- well actually, there is no ball, we add that in in post production, but I mean, you get the idea.

“Try rhyming something with Cholesterol, no really, try and do it right now if you think you are so much more intelligent than I am, and because my wife thinks you are more of a man than I am. No seriously, you do it right now, and then go and try and rhyme that with “statin”. Can you do it jackass? I didn’t think so.”

The San Luis Obispo Times will keep you updated on this story.