Former and again future president Donald J. Trump today said that U.S. forces were mobilizing to take over a sizeable chunk of Southern Greenland.
The World has been shocked by this aggressive, and expansionist move not seen in American History since late manifest destiny.
“The military is just swarming around here!” Said Bangor, Maine resident Curt Schefield.” “I have never seen anything like this out of Bangor!”
The 3rd Fighter wing is fueling now, as are several bomber fleets and submarines out of Portsmouth.
What is building in Bangor is about to be mobilized into Greenland in a move that is shocking the world. We are living in a new world today, a world in Which Greenland could become part of the United States- by force.
The military takeover of Greenland move has drawn fierce criticism by the European Union, and outrage by in particular “bitchy little Denmark”, which “should go cry about it”.
Update:
Trump then yelled: “Make Danes Great Again!” – Either referring to liberating the former Danish Greenlanders, or was maybe talking about the dog breed, we aren’t completely sure.
Meanwhile, the invasion, or liberation of Southern Greenland is ongoing in what many are calling “operation Cheesehead.”
“When my big swinging Johnson rolls in, that’s when it becomes American soil” Hooya! shouted ex-Marine [redacted] wearing an Academy (former Blackwater) uniform, holding an AR in one hand, and the American flag in the other. “Let Freedom Ring Baby!” he then fired many rounds into the air and did something unspeakable with a Danish flag that was nearby.
Another Academi contractor Fired off a magazine of live rounds in the air from a Bradley Infantry vehicle, and yelled: “USA, USA!”
Several native Saqqaq people were sent scattering, as were many Reindeer and local endangered Snow Hare. The reclusive Greenlandic Spotted Seal was also seen fleeing the area.
Greenland’s Southern Tip Liberated From Denmark!
“Let today forever be known as Greenland’s Independence Day!” or “G-Day” or “Liberation Day!” From those good for nothing Socialist Danes!” cried out anther military contractor.
Several of the formerly Danish Inuits were then rounded up and given blankets, buckets of KFC, and were loaded onto buses.
“We are taking them for de-lousing and then to a re-education center, where we play Dumber and Dumber To, or Rob Schneiders: “The Hot Chick” on repeat. Those are the two sanctioned films recommended by the DOD.
We feed the new citizens either Taco Bell, or KFC for a few days, intermittently. That’s the trick, you have to do it on and off to really make them crave it. Am I getting KFC or Taco Bell today?” Probably a 3/4 chance, but not sure..gets them hooked, then they are given their normalization papers and become real US citizens.”
Polar Bear Slaughter Allegations:
In what is making the “friendly” US invasion of Greenland worse is that a number of the local fauna have been unceremoniously executed.
“This is an ecology catastrophe” said unnamed science jerk-off.
“US Special forces killed a lot of Polar bears this time.” “Probably more Polar Bears than was necessary to get the job done.” again said some “animal-loving pussy.”
“The stench, the shear number of dead Polar Bears, it was like: “Why did you have to kill so many Polar Bears?, I just don’t get it” said some whiny native Inuit in Saqqaq and broken Danish pigeon dialect.
US President Donald Trump said that the US will only be taking the extreme southern tip of Greenland.
“You have nothing to worry about it, it will only be the tip, I am telling you, I won’t go any further, it will only be the tip, that is my promise to you.” added the President.
“It is my promise to you, the American people – and that now also includes the 56,583 more of you who live in the beautiful state of Greenland that we are going to make Greenland Great Again.”
Trump was then suddenly corrected by Elon Musk who put his hand on his shoulder, and whispered in his ear.
“I’m so sorry, there was a misunderstanding, Greenland won’t be a state, and will instead be administered by Delaware.”
In a surprise twist, this act now turns Delaware from one of the smallest states to the largest in the country. Denmark has yet to respond, but has pulled all diplomats from their US Embassies and Consulates.