Downtown San Francisco –
A woman was recently seen emerging from deep inside a bush near Market and O’Farrell Streets in Downtown San Francisco with “flowers in her hair” according to a very terrified Japanese tourist Hashi Tirimoto.
“She crazy lady, she just, uh, she just jumped out of the bush! What is happening in this city? There is no sanitation here! There are tents all over the place around here and people hunched over! Human filth everywhere! What is going on?”
Added the terrified tourist visiting the famous Californian city.
A nearby business owner also remarked: “She definitely had many flowers in her hair today, more than usual.” said Syrian refugee Adnan Korpa.
“She takes a dump next to my restaurant in the bushes here daily. She generally takes a dump in my Geranium bush, the flowers get all over her. She has cuts all over her face and lesions, I think a lot of it is from the bush, but might also be the Tranq Dope mixed with Fentanyl.”
Korpa, who has lived in the US for 6 years trying to get his Syrian/Lebanese fusion restaurant established using his life savings often works 14 hour days.
“I am surprised, but after fleeing the completely war-torn country that was literally ground into rubble I came from, I am thinking about moving back to Homs [Syria]. “I never thought San Francisco was going to be like this.” Added Korpa.
The woman with flowers in her hair is currently heading South westbound in the North eastbound lane on Market Street and yelling at herself.
Hashi Tirimoto, after her terrible and terrifying experience with the woman with the flowers in her hair decided to head toward what she expected to be a more upscale part of the city: The Tenderloin. “We have Wagyu in my home country, I am hoping to see this improved upon in what I am expecting to be a better part of this city.”
We haven’t heard from Mrs. Tirimoto since.