You guys act as if you’ve never seen people dressed in robes secretly worshiping a giant owl statue before..? What a bunch of cry-baby grown children you guys are LOL!” “Losers!”
“What’s next, you want me to wipe your bottom and explain how the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist? Get over yourself.”
“Yeah, we’re wearing robes while doing our ancient Canaanite sacrifice rituals that have unfortunately been partially bastardized with the introduction of the less pure occidental form of Druidic dark magik vestigially held over in Wales in front of the giant owl here in secret and we run the government… What are you going to do.. go cry about it?”
“Let me guess- you’re one of those snitch people who is going to go an rat on us over this thing.. because you weren’t invited and you’re a total loser? Who are you going to call? The Sheriff? He’s right over there in the Caveman camp by the way. Wow! Snitching on us? That’s totally NOT incel behavior! LMAO!” said a guy adorned in a black robe holding a ceremonial dagger.
They then started chanting in unison: “Nark, Nark, Nark!”
“You think you’re better than me because you aren’t worshiping this giant Druidic owl deity that may or may not be Lilith right now?” said a public representative congressional candidate cloaked in a Ceremonial gown about to extract a beating human heart from a 15 year old run-away missing from near Antioch.
“Let me guess, you were dropped on your head as a child and that made you retarded?” Said another guy in a cloak.
“Hear me out doucheball.. I am just like you, only a more evolved version of you that isn’t a crybaby whiner.. well, like the smarter, better looking, wealthier, cooler, less inhibited version of you, but other than that, just like you, is this getting through your thick skull yet?”
“I go to work all week just like you do, looking forward to the sacrifice like most of us do. Sure, I’m a judge in the 5th circuit court most of the time, but then I get to be who I really want to be- the immortal guy who is meticulously cutting out the warm beating heart from one of the un-initiated of our society.” “Then I get to come out here and do some human sacrifice ritual stuff with former, ex, and future presidents to let the steam off.” “Is it gay out here in the redwoods sometimes? Are we being gay here between the trees?.. Sure, but most of the time it isn’t gay, if that means anything to you.”
“Regular masonic handshakes are cool, Masonic aprons, and the stuff that made me feel better than all the other people on the planet, and more exclusive or special or whatever is good- but you know what’s better? Some real human sacrifice action!”
“Because my parents never cared about me as a child, I yearned for acceptance.. then I got into the satanic rituals where you conjure the un-dead soles of the departed, which was cool, but it wasn’t quite getting me off as much as I had hoped.. Then I graduated up to “Human Sacrifice Owl Stuff while getting slammed by Henry Kissinger wearing a Hawaiian Lei, and I was like: “This is where I want to be at.”
“I love hearing the screams out of the public echoing in the canyon as you hunt them down and inevitably skin and drain them.” “When you’re out here at the Grove human sacrifice rituals just don’t have all that government red tape hindering what needs to happen.”
“This year’s “moch” (lol) human sacrifice ritual that was definitely the BEST ONE EVER! Attendees are forever going to be talking about the sacrifice of ’24 and it definitely was not covered by the media because they were all there! You just don’t get screams like that anymore!” said a doctor from the Bay Area. “Did you know it’s Walter Cronkite narrating this voice-over?” That’s history baby!” “Nobody gets the human sacrifice ritual juices flowing quite like Walter!”